Michelle + Hawaii

We can do it!

You know how last week Sister O'Connor passed away? We really only talked with her less than a few sentences because by the eWell we were teaching another less active sister named Sister Keama every Tuesday night, and we visited her last Tuesday. But she passed away Thursday evening and we found out from her granddaughter Friday morning. Imagine us, waking up at 6:30, reading this news. I just started crying because I couldn't help it. I've never had to experience grief over the passing of someone I personally knew. She was definitely a character, she was honest, hilarious, and loving. Sister Blackner and I were both in shock, but we feel at peace knowing that she's in a better place. She was just coming to understand the Book of Mormon stories more, and getting ready to come to church this past Sunday. Her husband is even less active than her, and when we visited him on Saturday, he said he wanted us to keep visiting him and to share more with him. Nobody in her family except for her oldest daughter is active in the church, and we know that her example had such a profound influence on her family. We kept tearing up when we heard Brother Keama explain the details of that night.

We will never quite understand Heavenly Father's timing, but it's okay. Just the example she set in having the desire to strengthen her relationship with God and coming back to church has helped Brother Keama. I'm so grateful for the plan of happiness and for the opportunity we had to be Sister Keama's friends. This experience definitely helped us re-define our purpose here. I still have to write in my journal about it... #thestruggleisreal.

On another note, our investigator Bryan is currently MIA. We had a pretty brief lesson with him this week and did our very best to make sure he was awake to come to church on Sunday, but no show. I've never realized how important church attendance was until I served a mission, but this is one of those times I just want to shake all my understanding into his head. Unlike most people, who have family and friends to support them, he doesn't have any close family around, and we're not sure about friends either... we're trying to help him gain his own testimony, and answers that are deeply rooted. Brother Long, who's a neurologist, came with us to the lesson and said Bryan might have schizoaffective disorder.

Kahea, the other girl we've been teaching a bit, we haven't been able to see this week, but we had a good long talk with her dad. She's a young mother and still trying to figure out who she is and what she wants with her life, and we're helping her understand her potential and identity as a daughter of God. He told us he was really glad we're here for her because we're good influences haha. We love the people in Hawaii, even though he isn't particularly interested in learning about the gospel, he always treats us with such kindness. He invites us for dinner and says we're always welcome to hang out with their family and do paddling or something after our missions haha.

We had a super awesome Zone Meeting on Friday and it was about handling discouragement and asking inspired questions when we teach. Little did the STLs and ZLs know just how badly Sister Blackner and I needed it. You think you're a good listener, then you come on a mission, then you realize there's so much more to listening than you think haha. Thankful for the guidance of the Holy Spirit to help us know what to ask, and how to help others resolve their concerns. We're trying to do more tracting to find, and it's going not bad so far. :) Sunday was a day of surprise: Brother Crump came(he's only been at church like once since we've been here), Brother Fatiaki and Tasi(daughter) came for the first time we've been here, and a few other sisters that haven't been here in a while. We're trying to help our investigators progress and it's been kind of rough, but just taking one step at a time helps so much.

Easter is coming up and the church came out with a new initiative! You should check it out :)

https://www.mormon.org/easter

There are two videos and they're a little cheesy but I love it. Because Jesus Christ was resurrected, all of us can be resurrected again one day. :) It's also a great time of the year because General Conference is coming up and I can't wait to receive counsel from the prophet and other general authorities.

It was a sweet event

Sister Meyer, Relief Society President

Pictures printed! Didn't get cool pictures this week because we're always out and about...but trying to take more pictures haha.

Love,

Sister Wu

7:42:00 PM
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The journey is the reward

Okay the I got the title from the wrapper of chopsticks we got from Panda Express today and thought it was a pretty accurate description of a mission. This week my emotions were kind of up and down. We started off the transfer on Wednesday strong by leaving our car at home and just walking to our appointments. It was actually really nice because this whole week has been really windy/breezy so we weren't scorched by the sun. We continued to teach our investigator Bryan, and he even attended a baptism with us on Saturday! He just left us hanging right after though, and didn't come to church even though he said he would. We were just super sad because we don't know how to help him understand the importance of keeping commitments or coming to church (even though we've already talked about it and he's always so happy to). And for us, it's so easy for us to be hard on ourselves because it feels like there's always more we CAN do to help him. But I realized that there are so many factors or circumstances that are out of our control, and everyone will have to exercise their agency - whether we like their choices or not. We want our investigators to progress and know for themselves if the gospel is true because we know there are so many blessings that they can receive, so much more peace in their lives. But we really can't control their actions.

But that's okay. Usually on Sunday, we have at least one less active sister that sits by us because we're taking her to church, and sometimes an investigator or two, but yesterday was sad because she was feeling sick, so we sat by ourselves :( On the bright side, Bowe and Kiona (Bishop Chun's grandsons, who we're teaching) came to church with their dad. The theme of this month is on the Atonement and two returned sister missionaries spoke in sacrament meeting yesterday. Both Sister Blackner and I just teared up a lot because what they said was pretty much exactly what we needed to hear. The enabling strength of the Atonement is what we all need to press forward through our trials. When we recognize how much help we really need, and the amount of trust we have in Heavenly Father, that's when we can just let go of our fears and burdens.

Sometimes I have nooo idea what we're doing, as we meet strangers, get to know them, and share what we know to be true. There are days when we feel like we aren't seeing the fruits of our efforts, even if we're obedient. But yesterday was honestly filled with tender mercies. One returned missionary was a missionary nurse in the Philippines, and she said that being a missionary is painful. Some of those missionaries contracted diseases that caused them to stay in the hospital for weeks, and they had to endure through the pain, but they learned that because they couldn't draw from their own strength, they had to rely on the strength of the Lord. Yesterday we also got a referral from Sister Wright, and she thinks her good friend will be receptive to the message we share :) And! Later on in the afternoon, after we tried to visit a family who wasn't at home, we talked to a girl that looked around our age, not even knowing that she was actually a member who should be coming to our ward, but isn't. Tiffany is really cool, and she has medical condition that causes her to be in a lot of pain all over her body. I love what she shared with us about how she realized that when her relationship with God was strong, she was able to cope with her pain better, and I know for a surety that's because of the strength we receive from the Atonement. We also got to know her husband, who's in the marine corps :) I definitely know sometimes we have no idea what we're doing, but if we're doing good, Heavenly Father sets things in place for us to find His children that need a little spiritual boost. :)

Being a missionary is emotionally, physically, and mentally draining. I joked the other day to Sister Blackner that the way we worry about the people we serve, the way we wonder how much more we can help them (whether it's spiritually, emotionally, etc), the way we love them, must be similar somehow to how we feel one day when we're parents. I hope that's a good thing, because it means we're developing our charity and showing Heavenly Father's love for them. There are some days we think we can do it all, and just be bold, but other days when we feel completely helpless because nothing is working out the way we expect. The experiences we have I will always cherish because as we become converted to Heavenly Father, we set the foundation we need to endure through the rest of our lives. To handle tough situations, to trust in Him when there's nothing else we can do.

We're also working with a new investigator named Kahea and she's got a little 5 month old baby. She said that being a mother helped her to be more responsible in life, now knowing she has to set the example for her child. She thinks we're cool, so she always says "yeah, let's cruise" (cruise is like local saying for hang out), and she says she'll teach us paddling when we come back after our mission. Anyway, we're going to continue teaching her and we have so much fun because she's close to our age too. :)

Side thought:

Last night and this morning was really surreal for me. A less active sister that we've been visiting, in her 70s, pretty much was really sick when we first met her, and was almost gone last night when we visited, and passed away this morning. I think it's because I've never watched someone go through the process of being really sick and then just gone. We visited her daughter and brought her Panda Express for lunch and we ate together for a while. Another friend we know, her older brother was pretty much hit badly by a speeding car late at night and is so badly injured all over his body. I realize just how precious every day is, especially with our families. That the time we have to spend with the people we love is limited, and it can be gone just like that. But I'm glad Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us, so we have the chance to live together with our families and loved ones again.

P.S. Sorry I write a lot, just have a lot of thoughts and feelings sometimes haha. And I wish I had the time to write it all in my journal! Working on that..

Scripture of the week: Ether 12:27

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

My arm looks huge but I promise it's not that big.. Sister Blackner eating Vietnamese food for the first time!

Elder Morrey and Elder Meredith left the Zone this transfer

Sister Meyer above(Relief Society President) and Sister Tanuvasa for lunch

Sister Blackner getting jumped during March Madness (funny story actually) She really is a baller. I just went for back up in case she threw up (we were just eating dinner)

Kahea's family has a pet pig...her name is Spooky, she's a wild pig. So huge haha

Last night, since it was dark, one our way to the car, Sister Blackner stepped in the worst smelling poo ever. We had a lot of laughs, but I could not breathe...

I know this looks gross but it doesn't taste gross. It's called lau lau, and that stuff is ti leaves. It was interesting, but good.

Love,

Sister Wu

10:11:00 PM
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It's starting to feel like home

This week was transfers! Good news is both Sister Blackner and I are staying companions and in the Kaneohe 4th Ward! :) I'm not surprised but it's still good haha. And we had our first meeting with our new ward mission leader, Brother Long. He has a lot of great ideas for the ward to make sure they're doing member missionary work and "finding the one" through good fellowshipping. We love him and we're excited to work together.

Today also marks exactly 6 months since I've been on my mission. I can't even believe how quickly time has flown and how much I've learned. I'm trying to make every day count so I don't regret anything. Now that we've been in this ward for a month and a half, we definitely feel like we're part of this big family. Don't get me wrong, there's that feeling in every place we serve, but in Laie there was no time to get to know the members as much as here in full-field. There are the moments that I'm treasuring, like something a kid says to us sadly "are you leaving?", or learning from the strong examples of members and non-members alike. A sister that's in a leadership position in the ward shared with us how difficult it is sometimes for her to see her own kids fall away from the teachings of the gospel. She's got a husband who's so active in church, sometimes moreso than the active priesthood holders, that just isn't ready to join the church (after 20+ years of marriage), a son who's incarcerated because of addition, and a brother that pretty much caused chaos in the family and cut ties with them. She has just gone through all sorts of challenges and faced them with such strength. There were many times when she could have just stopped believing in God or walked away from the church, but she continued pressing forward. She continues to amaze us by magnifying her calling, taking care of her family, and us too. Sister Blackner said it so perfectly yesterday when we were talking with her, "If we didn't have any success while we're here, at least I know that we were meant to meet you and learn from your example."

These women are so so strong. They bear their burdens and trial with a lighter weight because of the enabling strength of the Atonement. We aren't meant to face these trials alone! We were teaching others the difference between being given something compared to receiving something. When we are given something, we don't make any effort to take it with gratitude, but when we receive, we appreciate the gift. That's how the Atonement works too, it's the most wonderful gift that our Heavenly Father has given us other than the fullness of the restored gospel. But in order to receive this gift and the enabling strength it can provide us, we have to exercise our faith by following his commandments and reaching out to Him in prayer.

Last week Friday, Sister Blackner suggested we park our car and walk up the long street to our next appointment. Somehow, we ended up talking to everyone we planned for that day and also got a red mark on our necks/shoulders from the hot sun haha. We're trying to do more walking so we can talk to more people on the streets (since we drive from one place to the next). Our investigator Bryan's mother passed away this week so we taught him the plan of salvation/happiness at Sister and Brother Kofford's home. He usually fidgets when we're there, but he didn't this time! So he's more comfortable with us, and he has such a sincere desire to come closer to God. We extended the invitation to be baptized and he readily accepted. Being a missionary is the best because we can see how much the plan of happiness meant to him; that it gives all of us a way to live with our families and with our Heavenly Father again. He had tears in his eyes and so did we haha. We also taught a less-active family's daughter the same lesson but with picture aids and little clear rocks so it'll be fun for her. It's such a blessing when kids actually listen and pay attention to us, and understand what we're teaching. Thank goodness for the Spirit's guidance haha. We jumped on their trampoline for a minute or two after.

The best things we learn on our mission is clearly what we want our future to have and what we do NOT want in our future. I think I will be forever grateful. Now that it's March, I can't wait for the next General Conference in April! And the General Women's Broadcast before that :)

Scripture of the week: Mosiah 4:27

"And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength; And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order."

Yummy lunch with Sister Kobayakawa. Homemade sushi on left with crab meat.

The cutest family. The Cambras.

One with Sister Blackner :)

I didn't get as red as her haha

Get to know everyone activity at Young Women's, I had to describe the left picture with just shapes and Sister Blackner drew the right haha.

Love,

Sister Wu

7:20:00 PM
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Zone Flood

8:00:00 PM
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Love = time

This week has been a week of miracles. But I guess there's a miracle in every day if you look closely. :)

There were a few times where it was so easy for us to just go to another area or go for lunch, but we decided to visit that one extra person, or stay a little longer at an appointment. And that was when we were able to have the Spirit confirm to us that's where we're needed. Yesterday after church, I wanted to go home and eat because I was hungry and we didn't have much time before our next appointment, but we did have Sister O'Connor planned after church. Sister Blackner said we had time so we went and visited her, and turns out she's in hospice and was desperately wanting someone from the church to visit. We were able to contact the ZLs and they gave her a priesthood blessing. Her only child, her daughter is taking care of her (she has liver cancer), and the whole situation just humbled me. First because I learned that there's a reason we've planned for the people we visit, and Heavenly Father needed us to be there; this mission sure isn't about what I want to do with my time, it's about what Heavenly Father needs us to do with His time. And second because I could relate so much to her daughter, because I'm an only child and that could easily be me one day in the future. I told her that I know a little bit of how she feels (she wasn't a member of our church) and that she's doing a great job of being the rock for her mom. It was such a great testimony builder for me because the Spirit directs our work, and Satan so easily tempts us to not go the extra mile. I'm so glad Sister Blackner could remind me of that and we could be companions that strengthen each other, rather than give into the small temptations. When we go the extra mile to visit someone, it can make all the difference. I know that the priesthood power which the men hold in our church is from God and it gives people strength to endure through times of trial. I'm grateful that the elders live worthy of that priesthood authority to give blessings for the sick and afflicted.

Sometimes it's so easy for me to think that because I'm a missionary, I have to share something spiritual like a scripture or teach a lesson about the gospel in order to fulfill my purpose, but I'm learning that loving the people here with the love Jesus Christ has for each of us is essential too. That the most important thing we can do here is to help others feel His love, and then they can feel the Spirit too if we do share a spiritual thought. Because everything relates back to Heavenly Father's love for all of His children. I get paranoid sometimes when we're running behind schedule or we stay at an appointment far too long in my opinion(more than an hour), but I've learned that when we show how much we care for the people we visit, it's so much easier to have them feel the Spirit when we do share something. And that we are here not just to preach the gospel, but to be brothers and sisters. Sister Thompson had to surrender one of her dogs to the Humane Society, Bella, because Bella was biting on the baby dog Alice, and wouldn't let go. In the process of tearing Bella off, Bella bit Sister Thompson too. Since it wasn't the first time this happened and Bella just was getting violent randomly (they say it's because of anxiety), Sister Thompson had to surrender her. And her neighbors helped out so she wouldn't have to watch them take Bella. At first I was thinking, "maybe we should leave...not sure if we're supposed to be here watching this," but we stayed to talk to Sister Thompson in another room and distracted her from the situation. I can't imagine how hard it must've been for her to let go of Bella, who she's taken care of since she was a baby (now she's 8 years old). I know that even when we're not specifically sharing the gospel, but when we live it and comfort those in need of comfort, we are still fulfilling our purpose. I feel so privileged to know that Heavenly Father trusts us to be that rock of support for His children, to uplift them spiritually and in other ways.

Usually at church on Sunday, we don't have any investigators coming because we're still so new to the area, we don't have a solid committed investigator. But we got a referral this week from the Zone Leaders and his name is Bryan. His brother is a member and lives in California, and suggested to Bryan to learn more about our church. We invited him to come, but he actually showed up early half an hour! (here in Hawaii, that is so rare, everything is "Hawaii time" aka.on time or late) We were also able to pick up Sister Thompson (who's less-active), and see two other less active families we've been visiting! We were so happy, because they've made the decision to get ready and come to church. It's hard sometimes to make church a priority, but we know it's because this commandment helps us be strengthened spiritually and we can partake of the sacrament to remember Christ's sacrifice and renew our baptism covenants.

For Gospel Principles class, we learned about the Fall of Adam and Eve. In many other Christian religions, they believe that the Fall was NOT a necessary step in God's plan. We believe that once they partook of the fruit from the tree of knowledge/good/evil, they were given agency and knowledge. And Satan wanted everyone to follow his plan, which was to force us to follow him, rather than giving us a choice. And once the Fall did occur, Adam and Eve were able to multiply and experience joy and pain. The Fall is a blessing, not a curse. Because of agency, we gain experience to learn from it, and feel opposition in all things so we know what happiness is. Sister Blackner and I also taught the Sunbeams, or 4-5 year old kids about the Holy Spirit and it was so much fun haha. I don't know if I'm very good at getting their attention, thank goodness Sister Blackner is good with kids.

Another fun thing this week: Travis, our potential investigator, invited us to a gospel music concert on Friday evening and we went and listened to a bunch of high school teens sing gospel music with piano as accompaniment. Definitely different, but it was pretty great music. Travis helped put the performance together, and it was good experience to see how other churches sing haha.

And we went out running twice this week! We're trying to be better at exercise, but running is not my forte.

Scripture of the week: 2 Nephi 2:24-25
"But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.
Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy."

The Adams took us out to a Chinese restaurant...I realized why I didn't recognize so many Chinese names was because they were Cantonese pronunciation, not Mandarin! Oh how I miss Chinese vegetables...

Kalua pig and cabbage: Kalua pig is prepared in an underground oven called an "imu", covered in foil and banana leaves, and hot rocks (fire in it), and it cooks overnight!

Brother Kapele(now really old) used to play for the Eagles (football team)!

Ocean pictures from last hike

Ripples in the ocean. Love it.

Love,

Sister Wu

9:18:00 PM
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Standing as a witness of Christ at all times

5:22:00 PM
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Heart to Home

Happy Chinese New Year! :)

...maybe we'll eat some Chinese food today haha. I can't believe that it's February what!

This week we've been trying to visit members of the ward to meet them, as well as part-member families to introduce ourselves. The funny thing is how everyone is surprised to see us because they're used to seeing elders from the ward. On Wed we were able to go out with the Relief Society President, Sister Meyer, to pretty much do visiting teaching, but seeing less active sisters. She called it "Heart to Home", which is pretty cute haha. I've realized that it's so important to just listen, even if they talk for more than an hour long(it's hard to take control of the conversation sometimes without being abrupt), and these sisters have opened up their lives to us. By the end of that afternoon, I just felt overloaded a bit, but have been strengthened by their experiences. Sister Meyer is so awesome because she knows all of these sisters so well and built a trust and friendship that developed over time I'm sure. Some of them have gone through experiences that I think would be SO difficult to handle, but the knowledge of the gospel and the plan of salvation really helps us have peace. It's so sad to see families that have stopped going to church for many years just for no particular reason besides being "busy." Slowly we get comfortable and the Spirit just doesn't dwell with us anymore. And we forget the importance of taking the sacrament and going to church :(

Yesterday was our first Sunday in the ward since last week was Stake Conference (several wards gather). In Gospel Principles we learned about the Creation and how this beautiful world we live in was created by our Savior, Jesus Christ, and it's the physical manifestation of His love for each and every one of us. How it takes a more special meaning because He was both the Creator and the Savior of the world. He could have just given us the bare minimum to survive and live here, but He gave us so much more to appreciate and marvel at. That never really dawned on me until now, but I have a new sense of understanding. Brother Hirokawa also mentioned (not really a part of the lesson) how the symbolism of the person baptizing represents the members of the church lifting and supporting the person being baptized. That's how important fellowshipping is when we invite investigators to church. Bishop Chun is really awesome because he's always thinking of how we can fellowship less-active families or investigators with active families that they would relate to. At the end of the day, church should feel like a family and place to be uplifted and remember the Savior's Atonement.

Anyway, we were able to hike up to a beautiful waterfall this morning with some other missionaries and I was reminded of our lesson at church yesterday :) I'm really excited to teach with Sister Blackner because this ward is like a goldmine, with people to visit and less-active members to re-activate. And teach new investigators of course. Salvation isn't cheap and we have to continually strive to progress and show our obedience and love to Heavenly Father. The gospel is the greatest gift that we can share with others and I'm so privileged to be here to share it. It's funny how some people don't believe us when we share our beliefs just based on what they've heard...but their loss.

Scripture of the week: D&C 4:7

"Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you."

So we took a wrong turn and ended up going on the highway for half an hour, so I looked at the ocean and the mountain range haha.

The Koffords balcony has this view of the ocean so we had to take a picture! They are the cutest (in their 80s)

Waterfall

Waterfall selfie (me and Sister Blackner in the middle)

Love,

Sister Wu

8:10:00 PM
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Meeting Elder Holland!

Kaneohe is really pretty; it's super green, lush, and a lot of mountains haha. Our transfer day on Wednesday was super tiring and we were living with the Sister Training Leaders, Sister Carlsen and Sister Biggs for the last few days in their small home. Our new home is actually the upstairs of a sweet old woman and the elders have actually been renovating it for the last few months as service for her, and she really wanted LDS people to rent it out to because their last tenants didn't take care of it well. The mission office fortunately was looking for a new place for Sister Blackner and I and things worked out perfectly. When Grandma Martinsen, who was helping our landlord, told us how it all happened, she said we were the answers to Aunty Diana's prayers. Heavenly Father is always aware of His children's needs and He always answers our prayers (not guaranteed always what we want though, but what we need).

Changing new companions is always a little nerve-racking in the beginning because we have to get to know each other, but I already love Sister Blackner. She's been out for 6 months, and was serving in Eva all of that time, and now we're both new to Kaneohe. It's a little stressful driving around the area, but thankfully she has a GPS we use haha. The members we've met so far have all been so sweet and are so missionary-focused. We have several people we are planning to visit and invited a few less-active members to Stake Conference yesterday since Elder Holland, an apostle, was presiding and speaking.

All the missionaries on Oahu had a special meeting with him on Saturday and I learned how personable, loving, and hilarious he is. He shook all of our hands and we introduced ourselves and where we're from!!! We were also instructed from Elder Holstrom (Area Seventy) and Elder Auna (forgot his position). It's so amazing to hear from an apostle of the Lord right in front of us, and Elder Holland expressed just how sad it is for him to see returned missionaries that don't keep their covenants to the Lord and go inactive. We often think of how a mission is just one part of our lives, but it really lays the foundation of how we continue to live the gospel in our lives. So I will always be a returned missionary.

A few points that Elder Holland expressed that really stood out to me (from the missionary meeting and stake conference):

we can return, but we can't go back (referring to our lives before we began the mission, we need to move on and continue to grow)
we don't have any right to go home and betray and image and standard of this church (keep your covenants)
mercy is God's second name, God's mercy endureth forever, all He does is look for ways to bless us if we choose to follow Him
"Sometimes you get what you want, and sometimes you don't get what you want, but it will always be what is right"

We had the opportunity to hear from him again on Sunday for Stake Conference. I kid you not when I say although the meeting began at 10 am, members have arrived at 6 am just to get the front row seats. Seeing the apostle speak live doesn't happen often besides watching General Conference...

Elder Holland expressed his love for all of us and shared with us that apostles, prophet, and other general authorities are not exempt from the trials and challenges of life we face. His dear wife was near death a few months ago, but is okay now. It's easy to think other people's lives are easier and without challenges, but we all have them. But this gospel helps us overcome all that we face. I know that the prophet and all the general authorities are called of God to lead us in this day. Elder Holland ended his address with an apostolic blessing upon all of us, even extending it to those we love. I'm pretty sure this is a weekend I'll never forget!

I'm super excited to work in this area because it's also the first time Kaneohe 4th ward is having their own missionaries (usually they share with another ward), AND sister missionaries rather than elders. It's kind of funny how excited they are but pretty sweet too. We're pretty excited to move into our new home today, and not live out of our suitcases haha. I know the gospel is true and I love being a missionary here. :)

Scripture of the week:

"For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have."